Indianapolis: Looking for Cool Chicks to Party with on Lake Monroe - 28

Ladies:

Looking for a weekend of forced servitude?
("We are looking for some cool chicks to hang out with us on the boat, serve us beer")

Perhaps a gang rape if you play waitress well (or badly, as the case may be)?

("10 guys, aged approximately 26-30 years old, are renting a boat down on Lake Monroe Saturday June 17th for our buddy's bachelor party")

"We'll provide a fun T-shirt souvenir that you can wear on the boat and keep." I guess my only question is, will a fresh one without blood stains be provided after the trip?

Here ya go.

Washington, DC: Congresswoman Herseth - m4w

Let me preface this post by saying that Sisk men are suckers for three things: pleated jean skirts, wonderful breasts (not for ourselves, the Sisks produce very thirsty babies (thanks, The Office)), and politiciennes who aren't afraid to sport their pearl necklaces in public.

My dear, dear second cousin, thrice removed, Skelly Sisk sent this little tidbit along.

As they say back in Democratic Congresswoman Stephanie Herseth's home state of South Dakota, um, good luck.

Bonus points if you know who the Blue Dog she's supposedly dating right now. Super duper bonus points if you know what a Blue Dog is to begin with.

Washington, DC: looking to explore DC - 26

You know, she'd be so cute if she just lost a little weight.

New Jersey: lets grill out and drink some beers - 22

BLING BLING!!! WHAT WHAT?!?!

So, bus dis...Mom and Dad have gone down to Flohda for a cousin's wedding and guess who's gizzot the hizzouse to hizzelf?! Blingy McBlingblingerson!

Who's up to drink some Hizzeinekens and tool around town in that tizzight rizzide?

Not all at once.

Baltimore: Christian Male seeks Devout Christian Female for LTR - 22

Let us open our readers to Ecclesiastes 3:1.

"To every [thing there is] a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

And when this Ecclesiastes said "to every thing," he meant every thing. Including sexual orientation.

Today's Craigsloser comes to us from Baltimore. Home of lots of murders, Hannibal Lecter, and crabs. Interestingly enough, I've had run ins with all three.

Seems like Kevin's found the cure for his raging case of Gayitis. But the healing hand of of thee Lord has seen him through it.

He describes himself as "new to the dating scene," so I guess he's not counting those anonymous sessions in the bathhouse. In addition to no more buttsex, he lists "no drugs, no weekend boozing, and no sex before marriage" as things he's going to cut out. Again, interestingly enough, I've had run-ins with those three as well.

Speaking of run-ins, you might be wondering. Kev's not a virgin. "I spent the better part of my teenage years with a penis in my mouth" and was willing to "bend over for any assertive stud with a twinkle in his eyes and a purpose in his walk."

Thank goodness it seems like Kevin's decided to bend over for Jesus, who apparently prescribed some bible study and electroshock. He's "really excited to go on a date with a HOT woman" and maybe do some shopping or exercising ("What else is there!!!!") Welcome back to the team, Kev.

Baltimore: THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE - 22

"ITHE [sic] BIGGEST CHALLENGE IS FINDING A SKINNY, ATTRACTIVE, FUNNY, GOOD PERSONALITY GIRL."

The biggest challenge? Really? 'Cause I would have guessed the biggest challenge for you is getting up every morning, spiking that hair, trimming those chin pubes, and looking like a total cocksmoke day-in day-out.

What's your biggest challenge?

Toledo: escape to paradise in my RV do you like oceans rivers, mountains, et a - 52

Want to get into an RV with this guy? Yeah, me neither.

So, I went through the trouble of coming up with a little photo journal of what the first few moments of your journey might be like. Thank me later.



Here is your new boyfriend loading some furniture into your totally pimped out RV.

How nice of you. Here you are hopping up into the RV and helping him load the couch.

Oh, well, it looks like you're just going to take a load off. Here's your new boyfriend closing the doors.

Here is your boyfriend helping you slip into something a little more comfortable.

Nice tattoo!

Bon voyage!

New Jersey: BUSTY, PETITE TO THICK FEMALE WANTED. 35-45. - 34

Vin Diesel move over. A real Renaissance man is in town.

Here's a meatball that wants to watch "Pretty in Pink" with you on a really, really, really nice couch with a little John Tesh playing softly in the background.

Do you think he's a John Hughes fan because he (a) likes Kevin Bacon, (b) likes movies set in Illinois, or (c) once gang banged Molly Ringwald in a parking lot.

And those tats. Bestill my heart. I get the mermaid-esque thing, but what's that smudge below it? Someone's outstretched hand? It's something to ponder while listening to "SOFT JAZZ, CLASSICAL, DANCE AND METAL."

We'll be back

We'll be back shortly...as in, very soon. Sorry, family stuff...you know. Craigslosers will be back with a bang!

Washington, DC: Any ladies wanna ride in that Lincoln tonite ???

Hrmmm. "Big Choice Ahead" would be the sign I'd put up.

Our gearhead wants to go out cruising. Shall it be the Lincoln Luxobarge or the Pontiac IROC (Italian Retard Out Cruising, if memory serves)?

Choose away. Choose carefully. Wear your seatbelt.

Dayton: Hot Black Male in Miamisburg/Dayton on Business April 18-21 - 30

Probably the kind of nickname an African American gentleman would like to avoid at this point. It would be like me going by the nickname Scott Peterson.

I'm no expert, but both are the kind of moniker that scare off a certain kind of lady. That is to say, to be more specific, any kind of lady.

New Jersey: LET ME PAY FOR YOUR NEW BOOBS

I've never been. Are they simply born this way in New Jersey?

Seems like our friend here was particularly fortunate in that he received a large refund from his 2005 tax withholdings. And that money has burned a hole in his pocket big enough so that it's gotten together with Mr. Penis.

The money and Mr. Penis now have hatched a scheme to expand your bust line. You're not allowed to ask questions--his "reasons are his." You in?

(PS--if you happen to be reading this, Mr. Pay For Fake Boobs Man, may I suggest that for 2006, you exempt from withholding. If you are indeed receiving this much money back, you should exempt and put a portion of your earnings away in an interest-bearing account. The IRS doesn't pay you to sit on your money for a year. A bank does.)

New Jersey: 23 good looking male

This guy looks pretty good, no? He's dark and swarthy and dressed nicely. I guess the only drawback is the "special treatment" you and he would attract in the airport security line. I mean, come on.

Just one question before we "make out" or "hang in the city." Whose idea was that doofy painfully staged action shot with you playing peekaboo with the milk man?

Oklahoma City: visiting OKC - 47

Beautiful Pajama Pants Man, while referring to himself in third person, says:

"Ladies this is one of the last of the nice guys out there don't miss your chances."

And he's probably right, so what are you waiting for?

Boston: REVOLUTIONARY SOCIALIST seeks leftist woman - 52

Proof that even Socialist Revolutionaries must, from time to time, "stankify theys dipsticks," this gentle flower is seeking his own Yoko Ono.

Must be tolerant of weird ass (AABB ABAC) poetry rhyme schemes:

NO WAR ON IRAQ

the drums of war are beating loud,
yet voices are heard above the crowd,
calling for peace in this world,
the banner of protest is unfurled.

save the people of iraq, from the warmaker's attack,
tell the oil companies, we don't want their war,
save the people of iraq, push the US war machine back,
tell Bush, we won't let him kill again......

Fans of old episodes of Wings on Nick at Nite are given preference. Extra points if you hate the rich.

Albany - The woman walking to her car friday - 56

So let me just get this straight.

You see this tiny girl walking to her car and think to yourself through that cotton puff you call a skull, "Hmmm, tight little ass. I'm going to follow it into the damn grocery."

Then you decide to make a list of what that tight little ass buys. If it amuses the court, for the record:

1. sliced watermelon
2. some chicken
3. a box of Farfalle bow tie pasta
4. Ragu chunky mushroom (?!) sauce
5. a quart of skim milk
6. and a loaf of Freihoffer split top wheat bread

The best part? She starts running from you. Um, stalk much?

Update: 7th day Sabbath Keeping Couple

We have another post from our favorite couple in which they describe their beliefs.

Steve-o and Kara are self-styled Messianic Jews. Speaking as a Heeb myself, a Messianic Jews are the fabricated legit sounding name for "Jews For Jesus," a cult that leaves kookoo hand written notes on our wind shields when we're in for High Holy Day services.

You may be familiar with Messianic Jews' more common street name: garden variety nutjob fuckwit Christians.

--MS

OC: 7th day Sabbath Keeping couple

Beautiful stranger and reader "The Melting Jar" brought Steve and Kara to our attention. I think it's safe to say we owe The Melting Jar a big Craigslosers THAAANK YOU because this 7th Day Sabbath Keeping Couple are absolutely delish. And, in all fairness, have you met a 7th Day Sabbath Keeping Couple that you didn't want to stuff in your pocket and put in a jar on your nightstand? Didn't think so.

That said, I love polygamists. Period. More than salt water taffy. End of story. Why? Well Christ, cowboy, look at these people. This is the face of modern polygamy and boy is it puffy.

More than the fact Steve and Kara are looking for a third leg, I especially like the photo of the happy family with doggy floating above their heads. I saw a black family do this with a portrait once with grandma. It's comforting to see white people can also exercize such poor taste.

Alright my open-minded lady friends...they have "reliable transportation." What are you waiting for--a sign from Yahweh?! It's time to get on the Steve-o and Kara express to funky town!

We're back

Sorry it's been so quiet on this end...what with Spring Break and all.

We'll be back shortly.

--AS

Austin: Loser~

Kidding aside, this gentlest of gentlemen could have just copied and pasted the title ("Loser~") into the body of his post and called it a day.

PS...what does the tilde (~) signify? Is that like a dash (-) for pansies?

PS: Our apologies for the infrequence of postings. We're in the middle of exam week here, so it's been busy. No worries, we'll be back full time soon enough!